I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
