Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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