I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I touched a dick in church today
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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