Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
