Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
