She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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