You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't turn off my feet"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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