my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wish i was in the wii world.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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