vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
