Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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