I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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