If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
