hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
