worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
