Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
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