Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
