I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
