this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
