OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
