But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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