pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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