I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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