I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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