His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
