onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
