I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
