I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
