please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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