my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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