she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
