Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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