Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
