please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
