idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
