If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
