fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
