I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
