you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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