I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
