I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
