Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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