i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That accounts for only three of the penises
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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