the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
