Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
