ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
