i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
