we made out on top of his cat.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
