If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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