All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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