just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
