Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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