I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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