I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
