@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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